Choosing a countryside wedding venue you can actually shape

The first has a preferred supplier list, a set timeline, an in-house coordinator and a way things are done. You get reliability and very little say. The second gives you the buildings and the land and expects you to bring the day. You get freedom and a great deal more work.

Neither is better. But couples routinely book the second while expecting the first, and that is where the stress comes from.

Can we bring our own caterer, and is there a kitchen they can actually work in? What is the wet weather plan, and have you used it? What time does music have to stop? Can we get in the day before to set up, and out the day after? What happens to the rubbish?

How much labour a self-catered wedding is, and that the labour lands on your friends and family unless you pay someone. Budget for a coordinator for the day itself even if you plan everything yourself — it is the difference between attending your wedding and running it.

Usually not the styling. It is whether people can move between spaces freely, whether there is somewhere for children to disappear to, and whether the evening can go on as long as it wants. Ask about those three before you ask about the flowers.